Hey! How are you all doing? It’s time for yet another edition of the Esoterik News Of The Weekâ„¢. It’s the post thats assured to give everyone their fill of the corny, ridiculous, amazing and offbeat headlines permeating the news waves. Comments are made tongue-in-cheek, and are not meant to be taken too seriously. In fact this blog assumes no responsibility for said comments, and places the reponsibility square on the shoulders of the author, even if the author owns the aforementioned blog! Lets dive in…

Big deal… Officials have found more than that in Keith Richard’s system over the course of his lifetime!

My mind had a ball with this one! Um… sorry for the bad pun. This is one off-the-wall delicacy that I don’t think I’ll try anytime soon. And I’m known for being adventurous.

For those times when you have that “special urge”, and a live animal just won’t cut it… There are other stories, from this week, that gave me the creeping horrors worse than this one. But this deserves the offbeat label, with a rating of 11.5/10 on the Mark Foley scale of creepiness (thanks, Wil!). They want to put the guy through treatment! Newsflash, guys: if he killed a horse in 2005 with sexual intent, and he did something similar now, he’s far beyond any curing. Just lock him in a room with nothing but a bed and a slightly insane pit bull terrier. I guarantee the dog won’t take his advances with anything approaching kindness! Let ‘er rip!!

My advice to this couple is a simple solution: GET A CAT!! It’s either that, or you’ll be doomed to relive scenes straight out of “Tom And Jerry” cartoons until that mouse finally eats the big cheese. Sheesh!!

And finally, one for the video gamers everywhere…

This just shows the power of original thinking on Nintendo’s part. The Wii game system is something that makes video games more accessible to the older generation. And it breaks down more barriers than just that one: it’s also the most inexpensive game system out of the big three and it get kids to finally come up off the couch and move!

Well, that’s all I have for now. Tune in next week wherein, in addition to offbeat news, I get to interview a squirrel with really big cojoñes!

Wait!! I said last week that I’d tell a sad, sad tale of a bunny with a pancake on its head. Ok, ok… I’m sorry. I really don’t have a sad tale to tell. However, a picture is worth a thousand words of that tale, isn’t it?

Enjoy! Until next time, be assured that I’ll continue writing, even if both arms and all ten fingers are broken. Hey, where there’s a will and a nose, there’s a way! Cheers!

Technorati Tags: Esoterik, ABCNews, CNN, Bunny, Pancake, Deer, Dead Animals, Sheep, Cocaine, Wii, Nintendo

Well, it’s Sunday evening and this is another installment of the Esoterik News Of The Weekâ„¢!

Really, there wasn’t much breaking in the world of offbeat news and downright silly things. However, I will make do with what I have. Hey, someone has to get people off the “Anna Nicole and Britney Spears” news kick that’s permeated the body of media like the smell of a raunchy Pepé LePeu! These things can’t be forced and it’s not a good post if it’s not spontaneous, y’know what I mean? So, without further ado, I bring you:

Now, there’s several different ways I can go from here. It serves the guy right for having chugged “two big beers” right before getting on a plane. At the same time, to be fair to him, the airline policy and safety procedures need to lightened for cases like this. Not allowed to go to the commode… because of a light being out?! Come on!

Hey! Everyone that knows me knows how big of a Trekkie I am. I may not go to the conventions like a good little tribble, but I can recite some episodes like they’re chapter and verse. But I sure as heck am not going to expect anyone visiting this blog to know orthodox Klingon! Or Bajoran, for that matter (the other favorite Trek race of mine).

Next thing you know, he’ll be asking for donations… in gold-pressed latinum!!

I love the “unexpected surprise” stories…

Good morning, sir… It’s the police with your wake-up call! Like others, if I’m at someone else’s house for a sleepover, I can’t sleep all that well. Nice to know that some people find it easier if it’s a complete stranger’s house. What a creep!

And finally, the award for “Most Uptight State” goes to Utah for this story:

Hello, Utah! That’s why they call them “vanity plates”. I’m sure it’s just a personal statement, not an ad for drunk driving!

Well that’s all I have for now! Tune in next time as I tell the sad, sad tale of a bunny with a pancake on it’s head.

Cheers!

Well, here I am now with the second installment of Esoterik News Of The Weekâ„¢! I enjoyed putting this batch o’ links together. Not only is it a bit wackier and just as informative, it’s even using more sources than last week’s post; that one was just using ABC.com. It’s also fortified with 21 essential vitamins and minerals… but I digress! Let’s kick this off with…

Man, those moose can be scary when you call them Bullwinkle, huh?

According to his lawsuit, the farmer claims that fireworks set off by the boys made the previously lustful Gustav both apathetic and depressed, and thus unable to perform for a half-a-year with his two female breeding partners.

I think I should take a cue from this and sue anyone who blares rap music around my vicinity. It has the same effect on me.

What they didn’t report was that, around the country, thousands of atheists went on shopping sprees. (ba-dum-bump!)

Here’s one from CNN for a change…

I have few words for this one; just too surreal! For me, it would be like payback for all those burgers chosen over chicken sandwiches in my lifetime.

And finally, an invention with a link to a video:

The big suprise here is that he didn’t become a millionaire in, like, 10 freakin’ minutes! If I were more of the beer swigging, football watching type, I’d pay good money for this. Watch the video!

Well, that’s about wraps it up for me tonight. Tune in next week, as… well… ehhh… erm… heck, you’ll find out anyways. Just come back for more!

Cheers!

Technorati Tags: Esoterik, News, Moose, Ostrich, US Currency, Cows, Beer Fridge

I’ve wanted to do this for awhile, and now I’m definitely going to give it a shot of making this a weekly thing. Since it’s Sunday, I think I’ll make it a Sunday thing, too.

I’m talking about the Esoterik News Of The Weekâ„¢. Every Sunday, I’ll endeavor to post a few interesting, rather offbeat things that happened in the news. Most of this will be coming off of ABCNews.com and some of the tech sites I frequent. I’ll be sure to stay away from the news rumours and stick to just the factual stuff.

Well, since I don’t have any good tidbits saved up from this week (but wait ’till you see the article I worked on for tomorrow!), I’ll post some older, more obscure news ramblings and my comments on them. I have to better remember to save the good stuff in my “Blog Me” bookmarks!

First, the Law Enforcement Criminal Darwin Award goes to:

Also…

If I were her, I would have gone back and demanded a refu… no… wait, I take that back. She has no right to a refund for being that stupid.

This sounded scrumptious… not!

Let this be a lesson to all iPod-carrying truckers! Could you just imagine driving through this mess!? I know what it would make me think of… Burgers!!

Yet another reason why stupid, self-absorbed people shouldn’t procreate. I say payback is in order here. During the summer, the kids should go to a waterpark for an hour or two, while the moooom stays in a locked car around high noon. To be fair, since the kids were bundled up, the mom should have the windows rolled down just enough for air, and plenty of cool water given. Am I being unfair? I don’t think so.

And finally:

I love it when people get loved ones back, human or animal. This one tugged at my heart. I hope they find the dogs next!

I read the news every day, not just from ABC, but from other sources as well. I’ll try and pick some good ones next week!

Cheers!

Technorati Tags: News, ABC News, Offbeat, Funny News, Esoterik